Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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