i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
