Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
