Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
