Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
