So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
