are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
