I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
