so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
