idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
