I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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