I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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