no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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