some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
