Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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