I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
