I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
