when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
