After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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