ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Less talking, more tequila
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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