remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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