I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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