i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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