I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
