There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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