I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am naked and annoyed.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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