If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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