i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
