I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize