I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
