you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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