I'm eating all of the evidence.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
