I wish i was in the wii world.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
