I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
