I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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