Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
