So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
