need another drink. this is the easiest way
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Randomize
