theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
