i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
