Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
