I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
