I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
