Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
