We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You left your phone here
Wait...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
