I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
