YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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