oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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