so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
