mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
