also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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