I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
