I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
They took my balls.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
