Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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