Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
