Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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