Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Randomize
