I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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