im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So squirting runs in the family.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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