Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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