You work out of a Hotel?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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