No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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