There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
