I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
