so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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