The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
