Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
