And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I am available for nakedness
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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