Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Randomize
