Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
