i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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