Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
