Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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